A Beautiful Stranger

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A beautiful stranger
I only know his name
A face I see through colors
Pixels as you may frame
A diary he was
A diary I wished he remained
But for how long could my stupidity
My silly thoughts
Could he absorb
Could he claim
Unfair on his existence
When my life I shared
Like a note
Like he cared
But Selfish would be me
To continue and unfold
My thoughts not articulated
As the beauty he sews
Brings the best in me
My worst my own
I may need you
I may crave
You aren’t my expectation
You aren’t my claim
You are my gift
You aren’t my golden cage
I miss you as I write
But have to let you go
My beautiful stranger
I have a story untold
My gold my coal
I wrap as my own. . .
So I walk away like sand that blew
I walk away with memories of you…

I WOKE UP TO A MAN TOUCHING ME

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This happened to me yesterday night while I was travelling back to Delhi in a train. I feel most comfortable in the upper birth and was delighted once I realized mine was one. All evening went as usual, I kept myself busy reading a book, slept pretty early as Delhi was to arrive at 5 AM.

To my horror, I woke up feeling dirty in my gut when the passenger on the opposite upper birth was holding and pressing my hand. I immediately pulled back. The man realized I was up and apologized. I shouted back at him hoping someone will hear me and wake up, but nobody did. I rolled back and tried to sleep. But, I wasn’t satisfied with his apology, I kept thinking, what if I was in deeper sleep, what would this man have done if I did not wake up on time. Has he been staring at my body while I slept? What was going on in this dirty man’s mind? I wondered if I was covered enough! I felt dirty! So no, I wasn’t satisfied by his fake apology. When I shouted he had the audacity to ask me in an arrogant tone why am I getting angry when he said sorry already. I was getting mad because he had not just stepped on my feet, had not just pushed me in a rush, he “consciously” violated me!

I couldn’t sleep all night thinking what if this man tries something again, what if my blanket wouldn’t cover me enough! I couldn’t sleep thinking what should I do, I am tired of being ignorant, I am tired of such men conveniently walking away with a silly apology and no fear no regret!

It was morning, I went to a man who sleeps outside the compartment and seemed like a railway official, asked him if I was to file a complaint what is the process. He immediately guided me to the TC(Ticket collector)  who then called in the Railway police. They asked me about the incident, they woke him up and took us in a separate compartment to deal with the issue.

On being confronted this man immediately flipped, acted all innocent and said he had done nothing. His brother escorted him, since they were travelling together. Series of arguments started and I felt like slapping this worthless man! I did not, my aim was not to beat somebody up, my aim was to make him realize he cannot get away with what he had started his hands on!

His brother seemed like a good man on the contrary, he kept begging for an apology while his brother sat and dug his nose!

I made a video for my own sake, I may need it in proving the guy is wrong since he apologized with the fear of me taking the case to the police. Meanwhile one of the members from the cops intervened asking me to stop making the video which I fought back to, while the other cops remained supportive either out of duty or fear of the video, I am not sure.

On the other hand, the public in my coach asked questions like why did I not make a fuss in the night and why make a scene now, asked me to let the “poor” guy go since he had apologized! While selected few stood up for support. One of the passenger was with his wife, he was teary eyed and said “we constantly live in fear, our daughter is of your age”.

From where I stood, clearly the apology was out of fear and not out of sincerity that fueled my anger, his face his indifference his arrogance!

By the time we approached the Delhi station I had managed to receive a written apology from both the brothers and their contact details. I did not go forward with the complaint plainly because I felt bad for his brother, he was literally in tears and hence I also choose to not disclose their identity or the video.

I feel good about myself that I stepped up, I also felt good about myself that I still had the humanity to let the guy go with a written apology because of his brothers plea.

Why I stressed on the written apology or why did I create a scene when I wasn’t aiming at sending the guy behind the bars? Why did I choose to not get him beaten up? Here is my take on it: I brought the issue up with concerned authorities and fought for my right to speak up and take action with almost twenty people in that coach. What was I doing? My aim as an individual was to fuel awareness, was to instill fear in each one who heard the debate,that, this is what they might have to face if they misbehave or try to take a woman for granted who they have violated, even if she is alone! As for the guy who harassed me is concerned, I think he got the embarrassment and a lesson for life he deserved! Violence could have been an immediate tool, nonviolence: a discussion over hours with different people, even if that makes a 0.01% change, my purpose is served!

My intention was to speak up!

Things I learned, I am my biggest support, I am my biggest strength, I am my biggest tool against injustice done to me. I have a voice and I put it to use smartly.

Video: Your smart phone is actually smart, while travelling please ensure you don’t use it on stupid apps and conserve the battery. It became my tool to actually be heard, before that my voice echoed in a room full of dead fearless souls!

Written Apology: I ensured I have a written note from the brothers and their contact details on a railway letterhead even if it was not an official FIR, this is for my future protection, makes a psychological impact on the offender and saves you from being the victim of a repeat offence. Also you secure evidence incase unfortunately you need it again.

I just hope this message reaches to people who may filter out useful information out of my experience. Men or women, sexual harassment or harassment in any other form.

Till you don’t speak up for yourself, no one will. If you don’t make an effort to bring a change whatever little through your experiences, nothing will change.

– Dee

NaKED!!!

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Emptiness

Of the sky

Of an unknown passerby

Of a candle lit

Of a wave on the shore

So ignorant

So sore

It’s not even about the love anymore

It’s about my soul

I forage into my thoughts

What makes me so numb

To no reasons I succumb

I wonder how

I am a dry land

So virtually green

So bare so blank

Like dust ….like sand…

My voice..

Is just a note

Not to you

But my soul

Questions

No answers

I lie in despair

Like the unheard mountains

Like the loved sea

Like the blossomed flower

Like a pirated belief

Am I a painting

Hung on a prepossessing wall

Abstract genial

Penetrating denial

What’s my reason

What is my fate

Where do I step from

My question

Which wall should I break…

Naked to silence

Bare Body

Bare reverie

Naked to my own mind…

DuST !

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It was a promise

That you shattered

With my heart

You walked away

Like nothing mattered

I was glued to my last hope

But you killed

What was left of me

My faith so blurred

In my own destiny

Like sandstorm

Like flood

Like hail

Like blood

Bound my fear

Numb to words

Numb to love

Numb to a new wish

I now stay numb to a promise

Numb to any promises

That knock on my door

From the mind of a saint

Or heart of a whore

I am numb to new wishes

Numb to all cliches

Love flows in the numb veins

Once again

I cannot espy any pleasure any pain

Faith stares at me from across the shore

Blurred, hazed not familiar anymore

A promise so shattered

That the pieces are strangers to themselves

What was a solitaire once

Is now settled

Like dust on the shelves…

– Setu & Dee

*Picture courtesy to the artist(name on the bottom right)

LoST!

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Lost

Like the woods in the forest

Tired of finding its roots

The beauty we cherish

With the pain within they perish

Like a drop in the ocean

Finding ones’ shore

Sparkles at the sun

But struggles to break out

Of the worldly galore

Like that golden grass at the edge

Of a tall standing mountain

Wanting to break free

Etched as so pretty

Living a brutal reality

Tied on the face of freedom

I wonder if that’s me…

A night of darkness

A beautifully painted sky

And there lies a fallen star

Irony of beauty

We ask for a wish

From a star that fell

When maybe it’s only wish was to live…

Music that once lifted my soul

Looks at my barren heart

With a question

Who do I call my own…

Would you hear

My silent screams

Would you peek

Into my vacant dreams

Hold my hand

On an unknown road

When all I was taught

Was to walk alone…

Why does one walk into a door

Sitting in an empty room of islands

I look for my soul…

Searching for a word

Comfort of a nest

Leave me lost

Or make me whole…

I Might Have Found Love

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I might have found love
Dancing in the woods
Feeling every drop of determined rains
In the arms of a man
I might never meet again
Air so free
And a soul so pure
Songs so sweet
The moment of never before
My lame attempt to put in words
A lifetime lived in a day of love
A smile pinned
For those dark brown eyes
Destiny I believed
Now destiny described
My dream to wander
For a day came true
With the strings of a guitar
Of a melodious tune
A sky sketched
Just for me
Dear mountains you brought back
A little faith
Like the last leaf bonded
To the highest tree
I close my eyes
And I feel the breeze
A kiss from the clouds
Upon my cheeks
A scent imbibed
Of a memory so deep.
I have never been so lost
And found my soul
Lived a dream
That made me whole
At a loss of words
Was I
In the lap of peace
The moment of forever
The moment of free
A sky so beautiful
A celebration of stars
I wasn’t in me
I traveled so far
I might have found love
In the valley of tress
Countless waves
Fallen leaves
Song of a river
Unknown roads
Endless sky
Sands of hope
I might have found love
In the clouded breeze
A frozen stone
A bird unseen
Sound of the hills
Whispering to me
I might have found love
In mysteries…

A Few Good Men

With a hundreds of experiences we have everyday with the kind of guys we call “typical” we forget to appreciate a few men we have in our lives who are a class apart, they set our standards high and restore our faith. So this one is dedicated to those few who come to mind while posting this, and girls you are free to tag whoever if you know of a few good men in your life too!

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“A few good men”

In the crowd of the regulars
He is a man with a meaning
With the warmth of a gentleman’s touch
He will simply rise above
Every act is a straight act
He doesn’t manipulate you into believing
Restoring your faith in being a person of substance
Not just another woman without
A voice actually heard at any instance
No time spent has a destiny
It’s hours of conversations
Laughter
Tears
Smiles
And Fears
Endless stories of when you were a child
Endless secrets hidden
That he brings alive
His worries and witty
A little more trust in your kitty
He will laugh heartlessly at your foolishness
And the choices that you make
But will be your pillar
Won’t let you give up and break
Will listen to your blabber for hours
Whatever sense it may make
He may do several things
Keeping no count
Of give and take
He treats you like a his buddy
Still opens the car door
Serves you
Before you say it
He completes your words
Hates your drunkenness
But he is the one to tuck you in first
No unrealistic promises
No shower of praises
Its not in the words he says
It’s the act he displays
He holds your hands
Not aiming at your waist
A relationship of respect
A relationship of faith
You have seen him through years
To appreciate the man he has become
He might have phased
to treating you wrong
Certain things you wished could be undone
But he made it to your heart
With that one last chance he got
He has glimpses of your father
And a friend at it’s best
You hate your fights
But it’s just like yesterday
When it all comes to rest
He could choose to enter a house
And might have a night
This man would choose to rather
Be with you through a roller coaster ride
Together with whatever there is to share
A beautiful life.

Hundred Pretty Faces

pretty faces

A hundred pretty faces
A night of crowded places
One that caught his sight
Searching for truth
Among a hundred lies
His heart twirled in emotions
When she was asked for a dance
He stood in one corner
Not losing her glance
Calculating his pros and cons
Letting go or take a chance
Afraid she will turn around
And catch his stare
Is it just another night
Of a pretty love affair
Could he let her walk out
Through the door she wouldn’t return
Left his drink at the counter
Picked courage to ask his turn

He now saw her closely
Remembered the song
Of the girl with a broken smile
But she was certainly not 18
Neither in denial
Her laughter knew no bounds
She swayed to every tune
But in another man’s arms

He rehearsed ten lines in his head
To start a word
With a woman who looked like a dream
She was pretty, not exceptionally
But her beauty seemed deeper
Than her beautiful dress, perfect heels
Her branded perfume and scented creams

What would he say he thought
Should he just ask her for the dance
To his surprise she had stopped
Took a rest on a wall besides him
Dismissing her friends request to join back
Said I am sorry
I just can’t connect to this music
It is a funny mixture of electronic and trance

He now had to think for ten more
Not so cheesy but interestingly appropriate lines
He was amazed how this stranger in a club
Had hypnotized his mind

He thought of different stories
She would have about her life
Had she been in love
Had she been hurt
Had she really risen above
He went back to his life
And things that didn’t work for him
Few minutes and he battled within

Call it luck but funny
She asked him for a light
What would he say next
His thoughts were now noise

Do you come here often he asked
No she said plainly, just a few random nights
But tonight the music is ok
Usually it’s nice

He nodded in acceptance
To every word she said
One word led to another
He seemed to have earned her respect

I know you want my number she said
Why haven’t you already asked
He chose to be honest
Said yes,I would love to
But I suppose that would make you uncomfortable
So I decided to just pass
And just as he said it he heard the most beautiful laugh
I didn’t know you exist and I am glad we met she said
Left her number on his phone
He smirked when she left
Blind to her reality
Chose to judge her instead
Questioned himself
Drank and drove
Never made the call
Proud to have his mind on his head

Hundred pretty faces
Another night of crowded places
But none now caught his sight
He enjoyed his music and looked around
For that stranger who had owned his mind.

Less than Perfect

Less than perfect
Would you define to it me
It’s that half spoken word
A fallen out love
It’s her who walks on an unknown road
Relentlessly but calm towards a preserved land of hope
It’s them waiting for a moment that has passed
Lost in a vision of perfection sought
It’s that feeling suppressed
When in the suspicion of reality it’s dressed
It’s that song incomplete
Wrapped in ignorance a pain so strong a love obsolete
It’s the story you read
To alter it’s presence upon your mind
You chose to cut off the linking thread
It’s the words you wrote
Erased to your belief
Because it missed a rhythmic node
A blossomed flower
On its delicate feet
Plucked for its beauty
Story of it’s journey
Lost amidst the fallen leaves
A beautiful face with a missing smile
A dancing soul pulled out of life
Reasons put to a simple belief
Layers of questions
Would it be right, to just be me
A call unanswered
A letter not read
A journey missed
In contemplation, rested on denial instead.
A day just lived as a day to pass by
Unwed to the mysteries of the capricious sky
Not in love with the surrounding air,
The music of the mountains
The waves of the ocean in an arrogant flair
The beauty of dusk and the wait of dawn
Settled with known
Absence of will to explore beyond
Hypnotized in a conscious state
A dream so clear, strength so hazed
Less than perfect
How would you define it to me
Song of your soul
Caged in reality.

My Right To Love

This is dedicated to all fighting #377 

 

A destiny borne child

To live while alive

Dreams to withhold

Trying to be as told

Craving insight

In a world of rules

Forced to forget

Not allowed to feel the truth

Because of a few who have never known

But sit on their throne

Like they own your thoughts and life

Leading you to battle

Fighting to survive

Half a life lived knowing who you are

Half a life lived seeking freedom of the stars

Growing old with a million stories untold

My right to love

My right to hate

My right to live in my natural state

Who would be you

To define my right and wrong

I also sing with nature

I know where I belong

I pity a soul

That define love by laws

Look at your mirror

Go correct your flaws

I will live a life meant for me

I will define my own destiny.