This is not just another article that talks about what men “should” do or women “should” do.
Internet for now has become that chaotic space where day in day out we come across mixed communication from all beliefs, some from the feminist, some who try and define feminism as not hatred against men, some men who are trying to spread the message of how women should be treated, some from the women who are offended, some from the men who are offended and this battle is never ending.
We as advertisers cash on it and then there are critics again from the above listed categories that have their say on it.
No opinion is right or wrong as those who give one should also have the wavelength to absorb a contraction to their views.
I feel for those men and women who fight their own battles amongst all the point of views we as society expect them to adhere to.
I feel for those kids who are growing up within the confusion being slammed at them.
The good thing is of course that people are talking, so no, I am not against any of it. I just find it very interesting and amusing.
A lot of us live our life the way we feel right, some of us modify ourselves in different situations but with our own choice. ( To be honest it’s scary to use the word choice anymore, because you never know when who may rile up or link it back to the much talked about “My Choice” documentary! ) So no, I am not talking about anything linked to it, though it’s worth a mention that it took this battle of the sexes to a different level all together.
So, because of my gender I am writing about us first not because in any way I feel they deserve the first mention! (Btw I guess what I am going to write about men and their gender role is going to be more interesting, so just play along J )
Women, we all know the history of how we struggled and still struggle for our right to decent education and a career. Some made waves back then, and a lot of us are making waves now.
It’s honestly disappointing when at the end of the day, after all the hard work we put in during our schools, colleges and work seems to matter as just 20% of your achievement and is not considered a scale for our happiness unless we are married and eventually become a mother. Families that push us as kids to be better achieve better after a particular age act like helpless parents whose daughters are not getting married. Most of the times we hear “get married and do whatever you want to after that”. My question is, if I can’t expect encouragement from my own home, I will only feel I’ll be burdening a new person in my life with my dreams and goals. Also, why should what we want to achieve be dependent on who will or not support us to achieve that, isn’t it just supposed to be my stage and my act?
Yes we are biologically different than men, something I wished both the genders respected. Periods for instance is actually painful for a lot of women, but we still go to work during those days, or continue with our responsibilities as they are, we do not get the leverage of cutting off from the world, whereas that’s exactly what we wish to do. It’s at the end of the day pressure on vaginal walls and blood dripping down our system 24×7, all muscles twisting and the irritations of that fancy no matter how many butterflies you put on a sanitary napkin it is still there! And yes, it is much more grose than what I have described. Coming to the point, so PMS is not a joke, “S” stands for stress. So sincere request please stop kidding about it, and this isn’t just for men but women too do the same, I wonder why!
Pregnancy is not something I even want to get started upon.
Marriage, we as women are nervous enough to be entering a new home. The pressure of being the perfect daughter in law should ideally also be clubbed with an effort from the families to absorb a new member in their family and make it a smooth process. Why only new set of rules are we expected to follow, why judgements about the way we do things, especially when we are at least making an effort to adjust to new ways? Why are only we “supposed” to accept an entirely new set of people as family and ours directly goes a step down in priority?
I am not against marriage, I respect people, and even when I write all the above my heart will immediately call out to me and the new family will be as much as mine and I’ll mean it when I call my mother in law as mom and so for dad. I respect what parents do for their daughters and sons and so the battle should not be of importance and attention but just an effort towards acceptance respect and love mutually.
Coming to this, I have grown up amongst men, most of my friends are men and I know they struggle constantly too.
When we are expected to give up our dreams before marriage, they are after marriage.
It’s sad to see men who fear being expressive because it’s considered a feminine trait. It’s unfair how many actions are slapped across as expectations from a “good” boy under the label of “responsibility” and “chivalry”.
I wished good men were not defined by their ability to please people around them on cost of their comfort and most importantly wishes and dreams.
I see a lot of guys lying to their partners when they go out for a boys night. Given a choice of understanding I am sure they wouldn’t. We develop the need for them to lie and then we crib about it. We need to understand that as much as we need our space so do they. Let them be what they are, let them do what they enjoy, what is so irresponsible with that?
When it comes to marriage I am sure a lot of them feel like price tags based on their positions and salary. Is that how you can judge the worth of any person? How is it fair?
It is Ok for women to quit their jobs and follow their dreams, then ladies if you are the kind of women who fight for your rights and talk about equality please have the courage and strength to support your men when in some point in life they wish to do the same. They are not being irresponsible, they are just trying to live their dream like you would have wished to, so spare them the ridicule and support them with your heart.
When we fall for men who have opinions please do not kill those in expectation of conformity to ours. It’s again “not fair”
Having said that,
A women does not become perfect because she can cook for you, take care of your family and gives you babies. A man does not become perfect by his ability to pay bills all his life.
It’s a choice out of love and understanding, it doesn’t make a women any less independent and strong if she chooses to cook, take care of the household etc, it doesn’t make a man typically superior or dominating if he pays the bills. Holds true vice- versa.
What should matter to both the genders in understanding and respect towards each other, be it in any relationship.
“Do what you do out of your love for the other person. Favors don’t exist in relationships.”